Smoking is Good for Digestive, Spiritual, and Temperate Stimulation

Cigarette smoking is very unhealthy cardiologically and respiratively but can be very healthy digestively, spiritually, and temperately. Make sure you decide which values are important to you. Some may intersect. I want all 5. The best way to achieve this balance is by learning how to smoke efficiently.

Smoke if you are cold and have no other source of heat. If there are no warm bodies to press up against, blankets or jackets to bundle up with, or even a desire inside you to run around and burn calories; by all means, spark up a fag. Cigarettes are a very effective way to stay warm, plain and simple; and in today’s post-Cold War era where people are flat, sharp, sleek, and seriously professionally minded, staying warm could be the difference between saving that marriage and not, keeping that job or not. What do you think?

Smoke if you are at a good party. Good parties warrant the lighting of a flame, consider the Olympics. You will be keeping warm, but you will also be showing respect for the enthusiasm circumstances have allowed you to partake in. Not everybody gets to party. Afterall, the flame is a symbol for freedom.

Smoke if you’ve just had a very good meal. Nothing settles the mind and the body more after a good meal than some rambunctious heat to soften up those digestive organs, but make sure you do so in a way that doesn’t prevent you from inhailing full breaths. Full breaths, even more so than smoke, are important for digestion because they relax the nerves, which of course allows for a further settling of the mind and or body respectively. Smoke after a good meal will also alleviate any kind of pain you might be in if you just happened to have eaten too much. The digestive organs become nullified and a current may be able to run through you seemlier, swifter, and or smoother

If you have reached a state of clear nirvana, by all means smoke. Emersing your spirit with the global soul and then breathing hot poisonous gas into your body is the most noble thing I can possibly think of. It’s the mark of confidence, courage, and determination. Perhaps a little stupid, but whoop dee doo. You’re a human being; not much is expected of you.

Everywhere I go, everywhere I look smoke is getting demonized as the root of all evils. Cardiologically, respiratively it might be. Digestively though, spiritually though, temperately; smoke is very healthy if you aren’t packing in 4 pounds of vegetables each day, content with the available faiths, or even in possession of a blanket. There are ways to become digestively, spiritually, and temperately satisfied that do not include smoking. If you can find them and are content with them, by all means practice. But if you can’t, smoke, smoke a lot. Smoke enough to make yourself happy. Everybody’s got a different method. Who truthfully has got the right to tell you what is good or bad? Especially, especially when capital punishment is still considered to be justified. Their goes an answer; self abuse, morally justified. Principle: retribution.

Smoking is about retribution. Punishing yourself to the brink of cancer because you have had it up to here with propriety. It bothers some people, screw’em. Let them live longer than you. They may have healthier lungs and they may have a healthier heart, but they may not be regular. They may not have an ounce of soul left in their body, and they may not be warm people. By punishing yourself you are getting the most out of your experience. Life isn’t always about being special. It’s about developing character from awkward moments and then using it for wisdom. Smokers have got more of it than anybody else. That’s why they’re going to die before everyone else. Sounds like an even exchange to me.

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