Sick Sad Week: Chris Wallace, Fox News’ Biggest Pussy?

Damn that liberal media! The liberal media just won’t stop blaming George W. Bush for the fact that Osama Bin Laden is still alive. What is wrong with these people? Don’t they realize that the one person in all the world to ask tough questions about regarding why Osama Bin Laden is still funding his side of the war on terror is Bill Clinton! I mean why the hell blame a sitting President who has committed seven times as much money and manpower to turning American soldiers into Iraqi policemen as has been committed to tracking down Osama Bin Laden? Osama Bin Laden is still funding Islamic terrorists five years after Pres. Bush was sitting on his ass in an elementary school room while all hell was breaking out in American, but that’s certainly no reason to blame him for the failure to capture that man responsible when it’s so obvious that the guy who should be blame is the man who hasn’t been in power for five years.

But wait. There is one man brave enough to stand up to the awesome power of the liberal media controlled by such allies of the working man as The Walt Disney Company, Time Warner, and GE. Chris Wallace-son of the infamous attack dog from 60 Minutes Mike Wallace-and a man who clearly respects Pres. Bush so much that he has obviously dedicated those few hours he spends not watching Paris Hilton’s sex tape to learning how to smirk exactly like Pres. Bush; you know, that smirk that not only says you are an idiot, but also indicates that he and he alone knows all the answers to all the problems of the world.

To paraphrase Keith Olbermann’s closing words on this anniversary of 9/11, may God have mercy on Chris Wallace’s soul. Chris Wallace learned at least one lesson from his father’s tenure on 60 Minutes; he learned how to get a guest on camera before launching a pussy-fied sucker punch. There is one difference, of course. Whereas Mike Wallace sucker-punched the bad guys who were ripping people off, Chris Wallace showed what a smirking little pussy he is by pulling a journalist hit job on the wrong guy (in more ways than one was Bill Clinton the wrong guy to pull a pussy-fied hit job on); this after four years of metaphorically going down on the guy that should be the target of his hit job. (And yes, it’s quite obvious that Chris Wallace does, in fact, swallow.)

Bill Clinton would have nothing of it. As soon as Chris Wallace launched his sucker punch, Bill Clinton did what every thinking person who ever appears on Fox News should do: he hit back. It was a beautiful thing to watch as Bill Clinton called Chris Wallace to the carpet and then expand to show Wallace that he is really nothing but a dickless little pawn in the massive Fox News agenda to blame Bill Clinton for the devastating incompetence of Pres. Bush that will leave the rest of us and our grandchildren’s grandchildren still paying for it while George W. Bush is forced to snort cocaine that has been forcibly expelled from Dick Cheney’s anus while they both burn in hell.

ABC even got into it. As Bill Clinton quickly pointed out, Chris Wallace wouldn’t have the balls to have asked him about Osama Bin Laden if the little Mickey Mouse network owned by a company founded by a Nazi-sympathizer hadn’t aired a docudrama that ignored the facts of the 9/11 Commission and substituted completely 100% fictional scenes that exist only to shift blame off Pres. Bush and his insane foreign policy that has so far killed more Americans in a foreign land than were killed during Clinton’s entire Presidency. (Just for the record, for those of you who insist that the restriction of civil rights and liberties has been justified based on the fact that no more terrorist attacks have been perpetrated on American soil since 9/11, I’d like to remind you that following the original bombing at the World Trade Center, there were no more terrorist attacks on America soil during the rest of Clinton’s presidency and he didn’t have to violate or ignore the Constitution to accomplish that, so who the hell would you say is the better President!)

One would hope that the rest of the cowering Democrats who kiss the ass of Fox News whenever they make the mistake of appearing there would take Bill Clinton’s lead. In fact, one would just hope that they kiss off Fox News and let them speak to their mindless lemming audience as they will. It’s time that Democrats took a lesson from Pres. Bush: Avoid getting into a situation where you might be asked a tough question. Bush has successfully avoided one single tough question on any of his insane policies throughout his Presidency and no one seems to care. Democrats should do the same. And when a dickless little pussy like Chris Wallace or Brit Hume or Bill O’Reilly starts speaking, simply bull through it and ignore them, answering the question that you want to answer rather than the one they are asking. It’s worked wonders for Pres. Bush.

May God have mercy on Chris Wallace. Or not. Either way is good.

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