Making Music: The Mood CD

Aww, yeah. I see you’ve decided to ask Mr. P Brite here for some lovin’ advice. So you’ve got that special lady that you’ve been with forever. Maybe you’ve got kids, you’re career people, or you’ve been married awhile but the bedroom mood is startin’ to twist down like a bad rollercoaster ride. What do you do? You were The Man in your early married days and it didn’t take much to get the home fires burnin’. But now it’s a birthday candle with the wax comin’ down to the last centimeter of another night on the couch. Well, my friend, I got the special prescription for you that is not more cowbell: It’s all about the ears and their path to the heartâÂ?¦.and the bed as well! Mr. P Brite here is gonna give you the science on how to make that perfect mood music CD that’s gonna rock the walls of your love and rekindle that 100 acre forest fire you had the night of your wedding. It’s only a few steps, but grab a glass of wine and pay attention, because night school is in session.

Figure out the setting. Will this be some midday love after a quick sushi lunch? A quiet make out spot on the hill in the night? Will this be a bedroom affair after some bootyshakin’ at the club, or is it a Tempurpedic mattress after a light dinner out? You don’t wanna throw water after the fire, much like you don’t chase a slice of pizza with a glass of orange juice. The aftertaste turns you off from everything else that is supposed to come next. Whatever the setting is put elements of it in the mix. If you are giving your lady some special attention on top of Mars Hill under the full moon, put together songs with long bass notes, slow drag, and some nature sounds of the night. The “In The Still Of The Night” cover by Boyz II Men is one fine example of a song that fits that mood. If you had some club action goin’ on and you’re winding your way down the road back to the house (I hope you sent the kids to grandmas!), some old Prince like “Uptown” can be perfect. Still has the club feel, but you got that whip appeal! Just make sure your music matches the setting.

Peek into your lady’s music tastes. Does she like Jewel? Sade? Nick Lachey? Take your woman to a music store and tell her you’ve gotta buy some new speaker wire. Meanwhile, look at the cds she’s peaking into and thinkin’ about buyin’. She might have picked up that Tom Jones Greatest Hits, gave a little happy chuckle, and put it down. Make that mental note. Then put “You Can Leave Your Hat On” on the CD. Yes, it is Tom Jones. But it is Tom Jones singing for you and your lady! What was the CD she played when you first met? Or when you had your first dinner date at her house? If you can’t remember, peak into her collection. She probably still has it; it might be a little dusty, but Mr. P Brite always says blowin’ of the dust is lettin’ in the trust. You go with what she knows. It’s all about positive memories, reliving them, and creatin’ more.

This next step is a 2-parter. It takes some special skill that I’ve obviously already mastered, but I’ll hopefully guide you to become almost the master if you follow the steps carefully.

Part A: Think of the last 5 things she did that turned you on. Was it waking up and watching her brush her hair? Was it the way she walked to the car? Did she cook you a special breakfast one morning? Think about it hard, man! You’re lady keeps the fire in you, you just gotta let it out! Maybe she did a little shakity-shake with the badonkadonk in the living room when you were jokin’ around about the ol’ dancin’ days. Think hard andâÂ?¦

Part B: Find some song lyrics that describe those things. Let’s just say it was the shakity-shake with the badonkadonk. That’s when you put in “No Diggity” by BlackStreet. Why? Because Mr. P Brite likes the main lyric “I like the way you work it/No Diggity” followed by it’s low-end of the piano key badonkadonk sound. Maybe you picked your lady up at O’Hare airport and you hadn’t seen her in days. She stepped through the gate and looked finer than China Silk. That’s when “Smooth Operator” by Sade enters the mix. “Coast to coast LA to Chicago” is what she says with a voice of honey.

Consider the flow of the beats. Now that you have an idea of the mood and the songs, how do you place them together? Let Mr. P Brite drop some science and math on you for a minute or two. It’s all about the Sine Wave. Yeah, that’s right. A good Sine Wave arcs slowly high, drops down abit, and comes right back up, dropping again to finish on the level it started. Check this quote out from New Zealand’s Geothermal Organization:

“In a simple generator where the poles (magnetic fields) are stationary and the coil is rotated in the field, the waveform is exactly a sine wave. This is because the coil cuts the greatest flux (magnetic lines of force) at the sine of the angle.”

Mmmm, you like that? It’s sexy science, man. Those “generating poles” are your first and last songs. They should have similar beats and time signatures. If you’re into that Goth-Industrial dark love thang, start a CD with “Pictures of You” by the Cure and end it with “Closer” by Nine Inch Nails. Two nice poles, there. When Professor Dumbledorf is talkin’ about that rotating coil in the field, he’s talkin’ about the constant movement in the whole CD. It goes a little faster towards the middle, slows down just a bit at the midpoint, a couple of more upbeat songs, and then ending at the same level where you started. No sudden stops on that train, baby. And no jump starts off the track. Just smooth sailing around the world of your woman’s love. You are going to be that “magnetic line of force” that holds you two together until the sun comes up or the kids come home!

Helpful hints:

*If you can’t sing, don’t sing along! If a note hits you nice or a lyric hits you nice, touch her on the arm; don’t kill her ear. *No cursing in the songs. Sexy doesn’t have to be profane or lewd. It has to be you.

*Get just enough bass to grace the skin, not shake it away. Turn it up a notch, but don’t rock the neighbors.

*Contemporary Jazz is your daddy’s make out music, just like Old Spice is your daddy’s deodorant. Throw some jazz influence, but no Al Jarreau or Kenny G.

Recommended Artists and Tracks:

Portishead’s Dummy CD always has one or two tracks for the low-end of the sine wave. “Wandering Star” is my at the bottom-coming-up-for-air track because of the heavy start. It is perfect for the candlelit room or if your wife is into artsy music. Mr. P Brite’s lady highly recommends them.

Prince- Yes, he has given himself unto the Lord nowadays, but he still knows how to put out that tune of turn-on. “Call My Name” on his Musicology CD is the perfect beginning for that night that starts on the back porch under the stars with a glass of champagne. If your night is going to be a little more, umm, saucy, you should throw in “Insatiable” from the Diamonds and Pearls joint. Anything track you find that was made before the Sign O’ The Times CD will probably get the law called on you!

Sade- You have to be careful. She’s a smart, political seductress, that Sade. Don’t put on a whole CD of hers for love. Some songs will make you cry; others will make babies. “Ordinary Love”, “Smooth Operator,” and “Your Love Is King” fit almost anywhere. Mr. P Brite loves this woman! You should be all good for some awww yeah tonight.

Now you may ask yourself, “what does this Mr. P Bright know about makin’ mood music?” I have a true story here. One of my neighbor ladies was a secret Prince fan. Her husband, a military man, had been gone for 5 months and she was really, really missing him. I made her a bedroom CD with nothin’ but Prince on it, but it was songs she’d never heard besides the ones that were on “The Hits” CDs. He has one song called “Man in a Uniform” that I thought she’d like. After he got home, I didn’t see them for three days. I asked her if things went all right. “Oh, yeah” she sighed. “The CD was definitely a good one.” And yes, 9 months later, birth was given to a baby boy. Be careful with Mr. P Brite’s advice; it may cause procreation!

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