New Man – First Date Strategies
I was dressed, makeup on, and pacing in front of my full-length mirror trying to talk myself into staying in the clothes I had on instead of raiding the closet for something else. Many women have been in this situation. We sit around way too early, trying to hype ourselves up enough that we won’t worry about what he is going to think.
I was two seconds away from finding a completely new wardrobe when he called. “I’m here!”
Wow. I was going “as-is”.
I spent the first ten minutes of our first date thinking, “He hates me. He really, really hates me. This is it. I can already see the prospect of a call-back fading.”
It’s ok. We all do it. In my case, everything worked out just fine. We had a great dinner with no embarrassing food-betwee-the-teeth occurences, and I did get that call-back.
The last thing we want to do when we need to relax is RELAX! Women need to learn to stop pacing and stop refusing to believe in yourselves!
It has been my experience that the entire world is searching for love. We all have that need to feel needed. It is true that there are moments in our lives where meeting a new man makes us think of the bleak possibility of ending up alone watching I love Lucy reruns in our golden years. We, as women, need to learn the importance of a positive outlook.
Yes, granted, there are millions of women who put on their sexy clothes, barely blink into the mirro and think they are God’s gift to man, and if he is stupid enough to pass up on it, there is another man waiting in the wings. His Loss. Hands Down. Period.
The reality of the situation , is that that is not always the case. Most women have the same first date jitters that I had. Why is love and romance so important to us? For the same reasons I listed before. We don’t want to be alone. We want to know that no matter what life throws at us, there will be someone there to hold our hand and get us through it no matter what.
The starting place is the first date. Let’s stop for a moment. First Impression: very important, we already know that. Step one is to stop worrying about all the ways to MAKE the first impression. The first rule is to be yourself. It is easier to say that than to do it, but being yourself is the only way people will really see you for who you are. Many people put on the works when it comes to making a first impression. They try to convince people that they are something they really aren’t. Not only is this very deceptive, but it is hurtful to any new relationship. Let’s say you put on this little song and dance for Mr. Wonderful and he falls in love with you! But WAIT! He didn’t fall in love with YOU at all did he? Of course not, he fell in love with the person you were pretending to be. So, back to step one. Be Yourself! Smile your favorite smile and be the person you love to be. If it is meant to be, he will love you for you in the end. And isn’t that what we really want anyway? We want them to love US for being US!
Step Two, be the woman! Yes, we live in an era where independence, power and dominance are mandatory. Guys these days understand that and for the most part they respect it. However, when you are out on the date, let him open the doors and pull out your chair! There is an air of elegance in a beautiful woman letting the man the man. It won’t scar your personal integrity in the least, I promise you. Besides, it makes him play his role in the relationship, and it will tell you real quick whether or not he is a gentleman. If his mama raised him right, it will be his pleasure to oblige.
Step Three, Talk! Don’t sit there boiling in your own worries and conceptions or misconceptions. Whether you like the guy or not, enjoy the opportunity to be out and about enjoying an evening with Mr. Maybe or Mr. Never! Don’t sit and be silent. Talk it up. If he is at a loss for words (either he’s not real bright or maybe he is just as nervous as you) start the conversation. Stick to things you actually know things about. Don’t try to start your own bragologue by any means, but ask questions and talk about some of the activities and things you enjoy. Try to help transition the conversation if he is starting HIS bragologue. After all, you BOTH are on the date and the last thing you want is to hear about how undeniably perfect he is. Try your best to keep the conversation going.
Step Four, EAT! I have learned a couple of great inside tips from men, and one is NEVER ORDER THE SALAD. You know those neat little rules men come up with, like the zip-code rule? Well, apparently they have a salad rule too. If the girl orders the salad, you shouldn’t ask her out on a second date, because that means she is too uncomfortable being herself and ordering something she would normally eat. Be bold! Don’t be ashamed! Men think that if we order the salads that we already have self-confidence issues. They think that by ordering the salad we think we are fat. We are trying to show them that we don’t eat much. Come on ladies! Bone up! Get that steak if that’s what you want!
Step Five, DRINK! I don’t mean get drunk. I mean that by ordering a grown-up beverage after dinner is a nice compliment. It means you know what you want and you’re not afraid to get it! Make sure that you drink responsibly, know your limits and stick with them. And of course, always watch your drink. Mr. Here and Now might end up being your future husband, but he could also be the next freak on the nightly news.
Step Six, Enjoy the moments. Be responsible as always. Do what you do what you do, but make sure you are still using your head. Enjoy the time you are spending together, even if you end up not liking the guy or he ends up not really liking you. It was fun, and it is a great opportunity to feel at ease about the whole dating experience. After all, it’s all good practice! Good luck in getting that next date. Love yourself and be happy in your own skin.
