What NOT to Do when You Breakup

We’ve all been through it. You found someone you really liked and thought the relationship was going somewhere and all of a sudden, bam, here comes the breakup dance. Most times there are clear signs that the relationship is winding down, but most ignore them, hoping that things will get better. However, most relationships come to an end so you will most likely go through more breakups than relationships unless you are lucky and you marry your first love -and don’t get divorced.

How to break up with dignity? This is extremely tricky because no one likes being told that they are no longer wanted. However, the other person deserves respect.

These following pointers do not apply if: 1) Your fights are becoming so explosive it is much safer to break up over the phone, 2) You only went out on one or two dates and never slept together. The pointer about meeting in person can be ignored if you have never met the person personally or if there is no way of meeting up any time soon. Even if breaking up is the most obvious thing to do, the other person and yourself, should still have some sort of closure.

Do not delay it. Once you are sure that it is not working and you are just going through the motions until you decide when to do it, it really is time to end it. The more you drag it along, the worst it will be. Some, especially men, will start acting quite ghastly to force the other person to do the breaking up. While this might work, it is destructive and painful and it sullies the memories of all the good times you have.

Be firm. Your boy/girlfriend might try to dissuade you using several methods. If you really are unsatisfied with the relationship you need to hang strong, even if the other person is trying their best to remind you of all they have to offer. You are here breaking up, remember that. Obviously, not everything was a bed of roses. Of course, you have the right to change your mind, but most likely you will find yourself in this same place a month from now. Again.

Do it personally. If you had a relationship -meaning you went out for longer than just a couple of dates- especially if you slept together, he/she deserves the respect of a personal breakup. Tell him/her you need “to talk”. This will probably warn them about what’s coming. Meet up somewhere neutral and look into his/her eyes. You and your partner deserve no less. Act like a gentleman/lady and suck it up.

Do not feed him/her corny lines. Please do not say, “It’s not you, its me,” “I just feel that we are in different places in our lives,” “I think I need some time for myself/some space,” among many others. Come on, do you think your boy/girlfriend is stupid? They know a line when they hear it and he/she just won’t take you seriously. Try to be as honest as possible without being rude.

Do not insult. Even if the other person gets very upset and tells you a couple of things you don’t want to hear, refrain from insulting back. Remember, you are the one breaking up with him/her. He/she is hurt so you need to be extra patient and nice about it. No one likes being rejected. If the conversation gets too heated, just leave.

Do mention positives. You must have good times and he/she must have had good qualities. After all, you went out with him/her for a while so there must have been quite a few things that attracted you to him/her. Let them know you appreciate everything and that you had lots of good times.

With luck, the breakup will not be the world disaster you anticipated. If you treat your soon to be ex with respect and dignity, chances are, he/she will reciprocate.


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