Common Sense Dating: What You Do vs. What You Say

When it comes to relationships, it’s always amazed me how some guys can just open their mouths and utter the most unbelievable nonsense, and in no time can have a woman literally eating out of their hands. How is this possible? What law of science or nature or whatever is being followed? Is it a hormonal thing? Or is it pheromones at work? You know – that “x-factor” that allows men and women and animals to give off a particular scent that attracts other members of the species.

I lost a lot of sleep over this during my formative years in high school and college. I worry about it a lot less now that I’m married. But I’m sure if I stop doing the little things that attracted my wife in the first place – opening the door for her, giving her flowers for no reason, maintaining an erection for 2 hours – she would leave me in a second.

Who knows for sure what the trick is when it comes to wooing a woman. I’m sure every guy will tell you something different. Having four brothers, I was able to see what worked and what didn’t. “Women don’t want you to treat them nice,” one of my older siblings advised. And how could I argue? I’d seen him with a variety of girls and he treated them all like dirt. An occasional slap was not beyond him. I’ve never figured that out. I was never comfortable being the tough guy. I think blowing smoke in a girl’s face was the worst thing I ever did. I’ve tried most approaches and at the end of the day I just wasn’t comfortable being anybody but myself.

Had another brother who maintained that women enjoyed a man who was aloof and inaccessible. He would spend hours with his girlfriend and not say a word. She didn’t seem to mind. Now why would you want to spend time with another person and not communicate? Is it true that some woman are attracted to a man they think they can educate or make better? My brother maintained that he only “spoke when it was necessary.” That’s all well and good but is minimalism really the foundation of a relationship?

Another brother exhibited the life of the mad artist. He treated all women like they were objects of art. At least this seemed like a good thing. “I want to paint you!” he’d exclaim to every woman he met. “I must get you on canvas immediately!” I don’t think they understood that he meant what he said. He really did want to get them on the canvas. Painting was secondary. Come to think of it, I’m not sure if he was even a good artist.

Yet another brother was convinced that women are attracted to a keen mind. He was low on common sense, but extremely well read. I’m not sure how that translated into his treatment of women, but he never lacked for a date. Maybe they all needed help with their homework. Who knows? They all had their approach and each of my brother’s knew what worked best for them. Whether they were looking for love or just sex isn’t the issue. What’s important is that every woman in their life walked away feeling good about herself. All of them except maybe the one that got slapped occasionally.

You can only fool a woman for so long. You can try to say and do the right things and woo them all you want, but eventually the game’s up if it doesn’t come from the heart. I’ve traveled around the world and have known women in all it’s corners. And while I’m no expert, I’d venture to say that most women want to be treated well. You’re parents really did teach you all the right secrets when you were five years old: don’t lie, don’t cheat, be on time and wash your hands after you go to the bathroom. At some or another all of those rules have paid big dividends when it came to sweeping a woman off her feet. Sure there’s more to it than that, lots more. But ultimately it’s not what you say, but what you do that always counted

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